Fic: Maybe Someday

[but_can_i_be_trusted]

Author: irishvampire13
Title: 'Maybe Someday'
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,062
Prompt/Chosen character: Journey Blue: Maybe being a soldier isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Now, wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away, then maybe you can change your mind

She took a deep breath, before saying it. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

Morgan blinked at her, confused. "Can't do what, Journey?"

Journey swallowed, trying to find the words she needed. It was a hard admission to make, and she didn't know what he'd think of her for making it. "Being a soldier, Uncle. I don't think this is the path my life is meant to take. I'm not sure I've made the right choice."

"Why do you say that," he asked, frowning worriedly. "This is what our family does--what our family has always done--"

"And it didn't do Kai much good, did it?" She saw him flinch then, and half-regretted the words; Kai's death had hit them both hard.

"No," Morgan agreed softly after a moment. "I suppose it didn't."

"Or Gretchen," Journey added. "They don't have a future anymore, Uncle. They won't get to do the things that people are supposed to do with their lives."

He nodded, pensive. "What will you do with your life, then? You don't know any other way. This is the only thing you know how to do. It's what you're best at."

"I know. That's the point: I want to see if there's anything I can be better at than this." Journey stared at her uncle, fearful, hoping that he was understanding what she was trying to say. "This isn't for everyone. You know that. I don't think it's for me. There's got to be something else, besides running and fighting. I don't know the last time that I was happy, for no reason at all. There's never time to be."

"You didn't answer my question," he pointed out. "What would you do?"

"Go to school? Find a job somewhere? I don't know." She shrugged; that was one thing that she hadn't actually given too much thought to. "I just want to find out who Journey Blue is when she isn't wearing a uniform. I've never had the chance to know."

Morgan sighed. "Journey--"

"Who were you, Uncle, before you put the uniform on," she asked. "What did you dream about? What made you get up each morning? When you were a child, what did you hope to become when you grew up? You did have dreams, didn't you?" When he didn't answer, she forged ahead. "I never have," she whispered. "It's like you said: This is all I know. I just want--I need--to know something else. I don't want to be a soldier anymore, Uncle."

Morgan's eyes weighed down on her heavily for a long, silent time, and she fought the urge to fidget.

"This is truly what you want," he asked at last.

She swallowed again, her heart pounding. "Yes. And I'd like to have your blessing, Uncle, but I'll go without. Maybe someday I'll be someone we can both be proud of."

Before she could react, his arms were around her, hugging her close.

"The best of luck to you, then," Morgan whispered. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

A few months later...

The world she'd moved to was more crowded than she'd expected. But Journey found herself loving the bustle, the bright lights that turned the nighttime hours into a rainbow.

Job-hunting hadn't been easy, but a few prospects had turned up that looked promising. She was on her way to an interview--her first ever, so she felt nervous--when the unexpected happened.

"Journey Blue!"

The voice made her stop dead in her tracks, and she spun in place, searching for its source, heedless of those who jostled around her. She knew that voice...

There was a blue box standing at the mouth of a nearby alley. A familiar figure leaned against it, his eyes watching her like a slightly amused hawk.

Journey came closer, her interview almost forgotten in her surprise. "Doctor?"

"The same," he chuckled. He looked her over, taking in her clothing. "Not soldiering, then?"

"Not anymore. I wanted to see what else I could do."

"Trying to find yourself." The Doctor nodded. "It's a common thing in you young people. Well, us old fogeys, too," he amended with a self-effacing grin. "I did it, myself. Can't say I never looked back, or that I had no regrets. But, most days, I'm glad I did it. Good for you, Journey. It was a big step, wasn't it? Took a lot of courage." He clapped his hands suddenly. "But look at you! You look like you've got more important things to do than to listen to me nattering on. You've got a future to get to, Journey Blue! A life to live."

"A job interview to go to," Journey agreed. But the sight of that blue box was doing something to her. She couldn't quite make herself look away, couldn't persuade her feet to walk on toward that interview.

The Doctor was staring at her blankly. "What is it," he asked. "Your face has gone funny."

She didn't bother to wonder what he meant by that. Prior experience had told her what this man's manners could be like. She took a deep breath, before asking it. "Can I...can I come with you now?"

"Not just yet." He smiled sadly at her. "Maybe someday."

Journey nodded, trying not to show how crushed she felt. Having been turned down once had been painful enough. This second rejection...why had she bothered to ask? "Okay," she murmured. "I'd better go, then. It was nice seeing you again, Doctor." She turned away.

"Journey!"

Against her will, she turned to face him again. He was frowning at her, apparently bemused.

"What's wrong," he demanded. "What's with that face? I didn't say no this time, did I? I said maybe." He shrugged. "This could be just me being the eternal optimist, but I've always found that maybe is a good word. Maybe means that there's hope. Hope's always there, just over the horizon."

He smiled at her then, a brighter, truer smile, and she felt an encouraging glow warming her from within.

"Brave heart, Journey Blue," he told her gently. "Never give up hope."

And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man, it's good to be someone

~*~ Rob Thomas
'Someday'